Today the much beloved Motherventing had a rather embarrassing wardrobe malfunction. If you haven’t already, do pop over and offer some soothing words of comfort (or laugh at her, whatevs). In order to make her feel better she asked that we share our own moments of misfortune. Now I, of course, am the very model of dignity and poise at all times so have nothing to report. My sister, however, is the queen of embarrassing mishaps and I’m sure she would be over the moon if I shared with you a tale of her misadventures.
One Saturday morning when we were at uni, we were wandering round a posh department store in the middle of Cardiff, slightly hung over, with our friend Nick (who was just recovering from dislocating his hip). We were on our way down to the ground floor when I hear an ear piercing shriek from my sister behind me and turn to see her, bent over, clutching helplessly at the bottom of her long stretchy skirt as it is being sucked into the escalator, slowly but surely exposing the tiniest thong you have ever seen.
Nick and I obviously offer no assistance at all because we can’t stop laughing and my sister is just stuck there with people bunching up behind her because they can’t now get off the still moving escalator, their position affording them the best possible view of the aforementioned thong. At this point some sort of junior management trainee spots this potentially catastrophic health and safety disaster in the making from the other side of the shop and runs right across the crowded sales floor shouting ‘Out of the way! Coming through!’ (just to ensure that none of the 200 or so patrons might not notice the humiliating event) and smacks the emergency stop button.
My sister is stuck trying to pull what’s left of her skirt out of the escalators jaws with one hand while attempting to cover her bum with the other in front of a huge, captivated, near silent, audience and I am now barely able to stand because I’m laughing so hard. Luckily at this point Nick manages to regain his composure, marches over to my sister, grabs hold of the skirt and says ‘FFS, Parrott, put your back into it!’. He gives it a massive tug, nearly losing his balance and rips the skirt loose.
The three of us look at each other and silently turn and head for the nearest exit. We would have managed a swift and dignified exit as well if poor Nick hadn’t buggered his hip again when he pulled the skirt out and had to hop all the way through cosmetics.
I would pay good money for that CCTV footage.