As a relative newbie to social networking my experience of blogging and twitter so far has been really positive. Everyone has been friendly, supportive and welcoming. People are pretty careful to consider other’s feelings and point’s of view and seem happy to agree to disagree on contentious issues. I have noticed recently there is one group that doesn’t seem to be afforded this level of sensitivity, that school yard monster the ‘yummy mummy””’.
I’m about as far from a yummy mummy as you can be without getting mistaken for a homeless person. My daily uniform consists off ancient yoga trousers and stretchy tops (almost all some shade of grey) as I’m still breast feeding. If I have to go out I’ll stick on the only pair of jeans I have that fit (£18 from Next four years ago) and a pair of black pumps. I have worn make up exactly three times since starting my maternity leave back in November.
There were a few occasions, back when I was working and only had E to get ready, that I dropped him at nursery looking smart and having both had a shower and applied make up. They were few and far between and these mini-miracles were generally only achieved by strapping him, kicking and screaming into a chair for most of the morning. The effect was also almost always ruined when, no matter careful I’d been, I inevitably walked into whatever important meeting had prompted this super human effort with some combination of jam, banana or snot wiped down the back of my suit.
E’s nursery is attached to a school and there are plenty of yummy mummies in evidence at the school gates. These women have somehow managed to get their kids fed and into their uniforms whilst also dressing themselves, not just in clothes mind you but an ‘outfit’, blowdrying their hair, applying make up and in some instances even, wait for it… donning accessories.
I admit to eyeing them with just a little suspicion and jealousy as I rush past in the mornings but seeing so many comments recently has made me question my behaviour. They’re intimidating certainly but are they really so bad? Obviously no one likes women who actually say or do mean things but have most of these yummies actually done anything worse than turn up looking nice and not bother to engage us in conversation? Can I really blame them if I feel a bit rubbish when I look a mess?
So I have a new approach. I’m going to assume that they are all perfectly nice and don’t care what I’m wearing. On my way past tomorrow I shall smile broadly and say ‘Morning, what a lovely skirt. Boden?’ I wonder what will happen.
From my own personal experience, I was friendly and nice to everyone and the yummies at my school befriended me convinced me to join the pta etc. Everything was great and happy, until there were a couple of times I wasn’t able to help out. This is when I was hung to dry and since then it has left a bitter taste in my mouth.
As for the choice in clothing, yes I don’t like Boden and if I’ve been offensive about my dislike, I truly am sorry. The reason I don’t like it is the whole lifestyle they try to sell, for some, a lot of us its unattainable. Jealous? Probably a little bit.
I hope you have no issues with the school gates, but unfortunately it fills thousands of mums up with dread.
X
I wasn’t thinking about anyone in particular, Steph. I just set off my own mean radar with some things I’d said and it started me thinking, that’s all. Hope I haven’t upset you. X
Hehe!! I go for a “scraped” back look now as opposed to hair down and blow dried. I have a cousin with 3 kids and she always looks immaculate… I have one and still don’t have enough time in the day. How?
I do wonder if there’s some secret that I’ve missed but I think I’m just too lazy to get up in time 😉
You have made me think now – maybe I shouldn’t judge people too quickly !
Mind you I’m not sure that I’ll ever get ‘in’ with the lycra clad skinny mummies that can be seen at the school gate. Bean starts school next year so I’ve got a fair bit of time yet to re-invent myself into an immaculately clad Goddess yet – ‘Papasaurus fetch the strimmer – I’ve got legs to shave!’
Lol, I’d need some fairly heavy duty machinery too. Things just aren’t where they used to be any more!
I love this attitude, its too easy to judge people by their appearance. I’m mostly a complete scruff bag and assume people take me at face value so why not someone who’s got up earlier to make an effort with how thet look?
Thanks, I’m thinking there’s no point in assuming the worst.
I think this is possibly my favourite post ever.
Thanks Chicken X
yet to me at the school gates but 2 years into being a Mum I still don’t own anything from Boden (not quite my style) and no point me buying posh clothes as they will all fall off me. However, I did make friends with the yummy mummies (we were at a library group very early on in maternity leave and none of them looked particularly yummy at 9am after being up 6 or 7 times in the night with 4 month olds – however now the babies are 2 they are definetly yummy mummy’s) and they are lovely. If I looked at them now and didn’t know them I think I would feel very imtimidated by them.
That’s true, you definitely have a better chance of being yummy the older your children get. I might be quite presentable by the time T is a teenager 😉
I’m quite looking forward to encountering the ‘yummy mummies’ at the school gates in a few years time. I admire that they have time to make themselves look good, but I’ve never been like that anyway and I’m not going to start for anyone. I have a Boden raincoat. I bought it in a charity shop. I’m far from a yummy mummy, I can’t remember where my make-up or my hairbrush are. I do like Boden kids clothes, not the adults clothes so much (apart from my raincoat – which is just a bright yellow raincoat with a black and white striped lining so not clearly any brand – looks like it should be worn by a fisherman!). At the end of the day we’re all just mums ‘yummy’ ‘slummy’ or whatever. Great post. Let us know how it goes. 🙂
I quite like some of the stuff in the Boden catalogue (shh, don’t tell anyone) but I’ve never actually bought anything from there. I just think it’s funny the name can have such specific connotations.
Fabulous post! I guess I am one of ‘those’ mummies. I never go out without my hair and makeup done or looking my best. I’m a stay at home mummy to four children from tots to teens and for me, it’s really important to always look my best. Some might call me shallow but I honestly don’t care. When I look good, I feel good. I’m not going to lie. Being dressed well doesn’t make me a cow and I certainly don’t have anything to do with the horrible school gate cliques. And for the record, if you were to stop me to compliment me on my Boden I would bite your hand off at the chance of a new friendship 🙂
Good for you, I don’t think it’s shallow at all. Let’s hope the mummies at my school are just as nice as you 🙂
Love it.
I must admit, I look at the perfectly presented women in heels (Heels? Really? I’d break an ankle!) with a mixture of envy and awe. How do they do it? How do they manage to get themselves well presented every day, and still have the energy to talk animatedly to their friends?
And how do they make those friends in the first place? I have yet to build up the courage to talk to anyone while waiting at the gate. I would guess that there must be a link between how good you insist on looking and your self-confidence, but on the occasions I have made an effort to look smart I find it no easier to strike up conversation. Maybe it’s because I liken the whole thing to putting on armour, where they see it as just getting dressed?
It is a bit scary isn’t it. Why don’t you join me and take the plunge too? Let me know how you get on.
Great post. We never know what’s going on in other people’s lives, and I’m sure that of some of those mummies that are dressed up to the nines are inside feeling shy, insecure, or just trying to fit in, feeling that they are not and hating every minute of it.
My boy isn’t at school yet, but when he does go, I expect I will be one of those Mum’s making an effort ( and probably feeling lousy inside.) I will be doing it for him as much as myself. I’ll be one of the older mothers at the gate, and whilst I don’t want a ‘mutton’ tag (!) – I want my boy to feel proud of me.
That’s lovely, I’m sure he’ll be really proud whatever you do. It’s so true that we can never tell how someone is feeling just by looking.
In my experience most of the people who look aloof are actually just really shy and hoping someone talks to them. Say hello, and say hello to everyone, and you’ll never be lacking in parents to chat to at the school gates.
Absolutely, you never can tell!
I have a theory: yummy mummies are actually aliens. They have fancy-pants machines to help them with hair and make-up, and they put their babies into stasis while they’re getting ready. That’s how they do it. Ahem.
I admire yummy mummies, I think if they want to spend time making themselves look good then go for it. Personally, I’ve not ever been a high gloss kinda gal, and I think it’s great that some people are. What I don’t like are smug, competitive mummies who aspire to make other parents feel bad about themselves, and I’ve encountered quite a few of them, the bastards.
While I do try to embrace the sisterhood and be supportive of my fellow female in all cases, sometimes the urge to ‘bitch’ and banter is too strong. Hoping I’ve not said anything too out of line!
maybe they spend less time on the children and house and more on themselves. my youngest granchild started school last month and I still live in joggies and t-shirts cos its so much easier….
Just found you on the Love New Blogs list and this post made me smile. I’m a bloke, by the way, but I too have a habit of seeing the yummy mummies in my area and judge – all pulling up in their Range Rovers, Mulberry handbags and biceps strong enough to lift the precious metals on their fingers.
Although it shows how a guy thinks – I thought Boden made kitchens or bathrooms…..
Great post. I’m not a Boden mum but I always do my hair and make-up before the school runs, usually because I’m going out or going to work straight after. I have 3 children age 5, 4 and almost 1, and my mornings are spent running around like a manic woman getting them ready and making packed lunches. I spend about 6 minutes getting myself ready (a finely tuned routine). Not many of the mums talk to me at school and now you’ve made me wonder if it’s because I make an effort. Shame, as I love making new friends.
I stand in a group of mums at the school gates – some very glamorous, while others (like me) haven’t bothered to run a comb through their hair before they leave the house looking like Medusa. They’re all really nice. And it’s always been my experience that the best-looking women are riddled with insecurities about themselves – hence why they never leave the house without being made-up to the nines. It takes a bit of confidence, I think, to leave the house looking a mess like I do!