I’ve enjoyed lots of mums blogs since having my first baby. There’s so many to choose from, the funny ones, the informative ones, the sad ones, that I’m sure I haven’t even scratched the surface over the last three years. Recently it’s been bothering me how often I’ve heard one phase:
I love my children but…
I love my children but I miss having some time to myself. I love my children but I enjoy my job. I love my children but I’m really bored of Bob the Builder.
How depressing that we are so worried people might doubt our commitment to our kids because we admit to having some other interests that we need to constantly prefix any reference to these things with a declaration of our love.
Do we shamefacedly admit ‘I love my job but I quite like doing some gardening at the weekend’? As students did we apologetically say ‘I love college but getting some work experience would help me get a job later’? Do we even have to explain ‘I love my husband but a night out with the girls would be fun’? Of course not, everyone balances different facets of their life and we’d be pretty boring and one-dimensional if we didn’t.
So who make us feel like this? It might be the media, celebrities or even health professionals constantly showing us images of what a perfect mother should be but I think if we’re honest we probably do it to ourselves. It’s that ever-present ‘mum guilt’ that always makes us feel that we should be doing more or better.
Like all of us, my kids are my absolute priority and nothing will ever stop me from being there for them when they need me. However I’m not going to let myself feel guilty for saying that they are the most important thing but not the only important thing in my life.
We often talk about work life balance as managing kids and a job, but I want more than that. I want a relationship, my friends, hobbies, enjoy the best free money apps I can find, to still be an active member of my community and a bit of time with my feet up, all while my kids are blossoming into happy, secure and independant young people. Does that sound ridiculously ambitious? Probably but I think that’s what most of us want. I know we’re not always going to manage it but let’s not apologise for trying…Deal?
This is a great post, i hear that line a lot too. I dont think we should expect to love every part of raising children, just because our kids mean a lot to us doesnt mean we dont need to spend time without them.
Thanks Aqueela, I really enjoyed your blog
Cx
It’s an endless balancing act and like you I want more than just a work life balance but struggle with only 24 hours in a day. You on twitter?
If only we didn’t require sleep! I’m loving twitter at the moment (I’m @catparrott) especially with so much going on in the news. I sometimes think 140 characters might be a bit more achievable than a blog. Thanks for stopping by 🙂
Ah yes that horrible old *mother guilt* it gets us every time doesn’t it!And I agree with you,I think sometimes we do it to ourselves!Set the bar so high it’s almost impossible to reach!Aren’t we a funny lot 🙂
Nice post. I see being a mother as part of who I am, not the be-all-and-end-all. I enjoy being a mother but not all aspects of motherhood (if you know what I mean). I make no apologies for it, and when I openly admit to other mums that I feel this way, they are shocked at first, mainly out of the stigma of agreeing with me, but then will admit that they too feel the same. It doesn’t make us bad mothers, it makes us normal. Nice post. 🙂
Great post hon, so very true! I am terrible with Mummy Guilt! x
I like to think I don’t do mum guilt but have been winding myself up into a state about potty training. have read your wise words and am stopping stressing right now!
btw found you through fresh five and really like your blog. it looks great too.