Managing your finances as a couple

Getting engaged was one of the happiest times in my life. As I prepared to start a new life with the man who is now my husband, we began talking about money – you know, budgeting for the wedding, a down payment on a home and all of life’s little incidentals. I was shocked to discover that we have slightly different ideas about money, savings and spending – for example, I was assuming that we would keep separate accounts, and he was eager to pool our money right away!

I started talking to my friends, both men and women, and did a lot of reading online. I read, again and again, that these sorts of conversations can be huge mine fields, and that financial differences are often cited as the reason for a divorce when a couple splits. I think most people just think, ‘oh, it’s no big deal – I’m sure it will all sort itself out after we get married.’ No way. The best time to have a conversation about your shared finances is before you have any finances to share!

I also found that there seem to be a lot of misconceptions out there when it comes to credit scores – for instance, many people believe that as soon as they get married their credit profiles are immediately linked. The truth is much more nuanced and complex. You do indeed share a credit profile with them; but you also share a credit association with anyone who you have ever lived with, purchased items with and with whom you have shared bills or even council tax! Your credit score is key to understanding your financial future together.

Based on my research, here is a brief list of the common dos and don’ts around finances and relationships.

• DO – Talk about your personal preferences about money at length before walking down the aisle.

• DON’T – Expect that it will all sort itself out after the wedding.

• DO – Decide what you will do as a couple if a catastrophe or personal crisis occurs.

• DON’T – Hide any past debts or bankruptcies from your partner.

• DO – Make each other feel comfortable to speak freely without judgment about past financial decisions.

• DON’T – Shame or degrade your partner for their irresponsible choices in the past, so long as they agree to take classes, read financial fitness books and cooperate in the future.

• DO – Hire a financial planner to help you decide upon your future financial plan of action and teach you valuable lessons about money management.

• DO – Look into each other’s credit score and ensure that you are fully aware of your current credit situation. This is actually vital for anyone, whether partnered or single – find out more about your credit score here.

These dos and don’ts may seem like they should go without saying, but I never cease to be amazed when my friends complain about their financially rooted relationship woes, only to find out that they have never had a meaningful conversation about money together.