I went to a state school, a good one. I did well, passed all my exams and got to a good university. I always assumed my kids would go to a state school but now we have to pick a school for E I’m not so sure.
I was pregnant with E when we moved into this house in the middle of a big city to be close to work. The plan was we’d be here for three years or so, do up the house and then sell up and move out of town before E started school. Then the economy inconsiderately went into meltdown and now we’ll probably not be able to move for years. So suddenly schools have become an issue.
I was a bit worried as we do not live in an affluent area of the city and the schools don’t have great reputations but when I looked into it there was one primary school a couple of miles away that was getting pretty good results, another closer that wasn’t too bad either and worst comes to worst there was our local school which had pretty poor results but not awful. I was sure E would be ok for a few years.
Last year one of my neighbours put down these three schools as their first three choices for their daughter for last september. They went to the open days and filled in all the forms on time so as they live two doors away and like us have no other children in school I thought this might be a good indication of where E might get into. Imagine their surprise when not only did they not get their first choice but they didn’t get any of the schools they had listed. Their daughter was given a place several miles away in a pretty terrible area at a school they hadn’t even considered.
They tried to stay calm, told themselves it probably wasn’t all that bad and went to find out more about the school…and came back in tears. Apparently it was even worse than they expected. I won’t list all the issues they had but there were a lot of them not least of which was that the percentage of kids getting the expected level in their SATs was barely making it into double figures. They mulled it over for a couple of days and in the end they quickly sold their house and moved to another part of the city where they could get her into a school they were happy with.
So this leaves me with a conundrum. E’s nursery is attached to a really lovely private boys junior school. That wasn’t why we picked it (it was just the closest nice nursery to my office) but it does mean the we are guaranteed a place if we want it. I know E would be very happy there. Most of his friends will be staying on (the girls move over to a school up the road), its small, has impressive sports and music facilities and great academic results. Most importantly if I work full time, pay off our debts a bit slower and we cut right back on luxuries we can just about afford it.
But a private school just doesn’t sit comfortably with me. It’s not that I have a moral objection to them existing but my slightly left of centre politics is worried by the exodus of average middle class families from the state sector in areas like this. It feels like ‘rats leaving a sinking ship’ rather than trying to help to improve standards in our local schools. And anyway, aren’t private schools full of really posh people? Don’t they give kids a bit of a rose tinted view of real life? Should I be worried about it being too focussed on academics to the detriment of other areas?
Having said that I couldn’t send E to the school my neighbours were offered, there’s no way we could sell the house and move somewhere with better schools and I can’t see that we’re in a position to in any way ‘help’ our local schools so do I really have a choice?
What would you do? Should we be worried by the trend towards private education for middle class families? Can we actually do anything to help schools that don’t appear to be doing well? I realise this could be a contentious issue and I really hope I haven’t offended anyone. I’d love to hear your comments on this.
I feel pretty similarly to you in that I wouldn’t write off private schools but the idea is something i’m not immediately comfortable with. I believe a good education is a fundamental right of any child and the idea that money can buy you a better one and therefore a better start feels wrong. OH was privately educated through his schooling and it has always been an issue between us. We have moved on dramatically since we were first together (when there was a lot of heated debate). Our son attends a fabulous state school and we’re both very, very happy with it. For secondary school we will look at private and state schools and make a decision about what is best for our son (and indeed our daughter when she starts school although she will go to the same state primary I think at this stage.)
What I would say is that state school applications depend on years. My son started this year and the year before there was an almightly hoo hah because very few people got their first choice but that’s because it was a bumper year for siblings coming into school and they get priority over new applicants. This year (when my son has started) the vast majority of people I know got their first choice, even where that wasn’t their closest school so don’t give up.
Personally I would apply for the state schools and apply for a place at the private school. Then once you get the results of your state school application you can make a decision about where she goes. It might feel underhand but many, many people do it and ultimately it boils down to the fact that you will do the very best for your child and you want to make sure that they’re happy in school because that’s seriously important.
Hubs was pretty anti private school when we first talked about it but I think we’ve both now decided it would depend on which school we were offered as there is such a big range in a relatively small area and we just can’t guess how the applications will turn out.
That’s such a good point about the year you’re in. A lot of couples and young families like us moved into our area (which previously had a lot of older retired people) over the last 5-8 years and of course we’ve all started having kids around the same time. I think the system was a bit overwhelmed last year and maybe it won’t be so bad this year.
Thanks so much for commenting.
My daugther is at a private school and my soon will start soon. Their daddy is English and we lived in England until 4 years ago. I’m Danish and we have moved to Denmark now. Used to be good state schools here. As my children speak both fluent Danish as well as English it’s very important to us that they go to a school that can let them benefit from that. We chose a private school, it’s more commen here and a lot cheaper than England but still we have to be careful to be able to afford it. I think you should do what gives your son the best start and in private schools you have a say. I think you should go for it and not worry:) Hope you find a out what is best for you:)
Mette:)
http://oddparent.blogspot.com/
My son goes to a private school, it’s full of very lovely people 🙂
Yes, I should say with all my joking about them being posh (and actually many of them aren’t) all the parents I’ve met through the school have been really nice and the boys are delightful.
We actually didn’t initially think about private schools, but ended up buying a house in August so there was no chance he’d get into a state school… We thought we’d send him to a private school for a year and try state school a year later, but we’re totally loving his school (and so is he) so he’s staying.
Interesting post. I always said my children would go to the local school regardless. Luckily the primary in our catchment area is great and we had no issues getting in. Bear in mind birth rates can alter dramatically thus effecting intake. Secondary schools are now a different matter! The local sec has recently moved from our back garden to across town, from grim buildings to brand new state of the art facilities. However it had always had a negative reputation and I hope to send my chn, if we are still living here (??!), to the sec in the next town. In an ideal world we would move to the village where the primary school is, 1 mile away, which would land us in the other sec school’s catchment. If grammars were nearby I would definitely look into them. Private ed? There is a girls school nearby but we could never afford it and even if we did save, compromise, scrape by etc I just wouldn’t feel comfortable trying to keep up with the real wealthy, upper/middle class types! I do understand your concerns though and one of the best teaching exps I had was in one of the roughest areas of bristol – the kids were fab! But, I probably wouldn’t send my children there! Hope it works out x
Thanks Viv, always interesting to get a teachers perspective on these things. I guess in my mind I’m seperating the kind of run of the mill primaries that I went to (not great but generally safe and getting most of their kids up to a reasonable standard) from the small number that you find in truely deprived areas that just have so many problems to deal with. It’s hard to talk generally about ‘state schools’ when there’s such a big difference between them.
We had the same experience- got none of our three choices, including the school down the road which soon fell into special measures. So we felt obliged to go private for two years. Nearly had the same trouble when we moved to London. No school could take the kids and the council said we’d have to consider home schooling. We ended up at a primary that recently emerged from special measures and are broadly happy with it. I don’t object to people sending their kids private as much as I object to those opposed to private education who move home to be in a catchment of a good school and thus push house prices up and deprive less affluent families of the chance.
Home schooling? Eek! Surely they have to offer you somewhere? What a nightmare. I guess whether you pay the fees or pay the huge mortgage it cost’s you either way and both are out of the reach of so many people.
I was in a similar position living in Andover we had Amy in the local nursery which was attached to the private school and she was signed up to go there after seeing the hair raising ofsted reports of the state schools.
A few things then occured which changed the route of her education.
My hubby was an FD at the time but was made redundant. This meant selling the home we were doing up. we stayed with the plan though and moved to a cheaper home hubby found another job. then the private school pension plans fee hike came into play and we realised that to maintain our lifestyle and have a few holidays which I live for we would only be able to afford private school for one child.
We didn’t want to limit ourselves like that ( looks over at darling son – so glad we didn’t) so we did what many middle class families do that can’t /won’t afford private school and move to an area with good state schools. Is that any better or worse than sending a child to private school? of course not.
Its not your responsibility to put right the local state schools not that sending your child there will help. the only impact it will have is on your peace of mind and his education.
another reason for deciding against private for us was the worry of fee hikes and the difficultly of commiting to a school and providing a stable education for our child not knowing how our future would unfold financially.
We have been very lucky. The senior school Amy goes to could pass for a private one any day of the week and I do feel the kids are more grounded going to a state school we also have a do your best attitude rather than have you any idea what this is costing me! one.
If you really can’t move home private schools sounds like the way to go right now maybe consider a move before senior school?
Thanks for sharing your story. It does worry me that although we can just about afford it now if the fees go up sharply or one of us loses our job we would be really stuffed. I guess we’ll have to keep our fingers crossed on that one.
If I was you I’d apply to the local state schools but also look at the private option as a fall back – yes in an ideal world we wouldn’t send our children to a private school but if you can afford it then there are benefits, not least a certainty about the quality of education and let’s be frank, none of us want to take chances with our children
Call me a NIMBY but there you are
We’re very lucky – we live in a town where all the schools are good, makes life a lot easier even if it does do nutty things to the house prices
I think I was a bit naive about how big the differences are within the state sector. Coming from a small town where all the schools were fine I was surprised by what goes on in the city and how nothing is done about it.
The anecdote you gave about your neighbour is exactly what happened to my friend and close neighbour. She did exactly the same – done the footwork looking at schools, filling out forms and so on. Only to get a school that she did not apply for and in her opinion was one of the worst schools in the borough. She and her family moved just last week and have their daughter on the waiting list for a much preferred school just round the corner from their new home. It is very much pot-luck and difficult to determine which school your child will get into. I applied for just three schools for my five year old. My first choice informed me that I lived just a little too far away, yet I knew people who lived further or on the same road as I, who attended. One of the schools that offered me a place was in a nice area, in the borough but miles away (i don’t really know why I applied, I think I was seduced by the location). The school she successfully got into is a much sought after C of E school and whilst I can get there in less than 5 mins in the car, it is not in the borough that I live and whilst I fully respect and support the ethos I am not of the C of E faith. It still puzzles me how we got in – I put it down to my outstanding application, lol. I have keenly observed that many children on my road attend a much sought after and notoriously difficult to get into two different Catholic schools (one not in the borough) which is not in walking distance and while I am not necessarily a curtain twitching neighbour, I must say that I have not seen most of them leave on a Sunday morning to attend morning service. So my point is this, one has to be positive and optimistic apply to as many schools as you are allowed even those to which you may feel your child hasn’t got a chance of getting into and see what happens. It’s wise to have a back-up plan such as the private school option, there is nothing worse than feeling like you have no choice. However as a parent who has tried the private school route some years before, one should take into careful consideration the fluctuating and unpredictable economic climate that ultimately has an effect on ones pockets. I know many people whose children attend private school with the funds having to be backed up by their elderly/retired parents. It can be a very stressful experience if one ever has to consider where the next terms fees are coming from which then leaves you feeling resentful as you consider the fact that there are many good state schools out there that your child could have been attending. In my view, if the school isn’t all that bad, and you are a supportive parent, sending your child to a state school and backing up their education with private tuition is a much cheaper and perhaps sensible option. If you still decide the private school option, then as my friend that I referred to earlier who herself attended private school once advised, ‘it’s better to save the pennies and send them to private (secondary) school.
The fact that the system doesn’t seem to be 100% fair and equitable just makes the whole thing worse, doesn’t it? I think you’re right about applying for as many as we can. We’ll just see how it goes. Thanks for commenting.
I don’t know why anyone even considers whether it is “wrong”. What is wrong is to put politics before your own child’s needs. Beyond that – big topic, so many pros & cons. Nothing is perfect, & private isn’t always better. There are a few teachers lurking in private system that would never cut it in state, pootle along with small classes of well behaved children, & not prepared to push a bit harder with children that need a bit more help. (Yes, speaking from experience here). Don’t be put off by thought of wealthy crowd – all the parents I know fund it via grandparents, whopping mortgages, charitable grants (they’re out there).
Don’t feel guilty about deserting local state school – you won’t change it, they hate parents with ideas…do the sums & do what’s best for E & your budget. BTW some schools try hard to keep price rises down, & minimise cost of extras. Others…don’t ask!
Also I think you get better value at primary – cost not much more than nursery & instilling basic habit for study, learning, behaviour & much more. Costs rocket at 2ry level.
The fees here do seem to be about what we’re paying for him to be in preschool so there definitely are other much more expensive schools out there. I agree, I do think the first couple of years are probably the most important. It’s really going to define how they think about education, isn’t it?
That’s an interesting one, I always said that I didn’t want Iyla to go to private school, even if I could easily afford it. I went to private schools for twelve years because my dad used to earn quite a lot of money when I was growing up, they must have wasted (I say wasted because I ended up with four GCSE’s) over £100,000 on my education and it makes me feel awful now to think of what I could have spent the money on instead. But this was based on her being able to attend a good state school, if I was in your situation and she faced going to an awful school then I would definitely think it was worse spending the money and sending her to private school. I am dreading having to start thinking about schools! x
Don’t forget there’s also some very poor children in these schools who have achieved scholarships too.
I’m lucky enough that I live in an area with quiet a few grammar schools as I too didn’t want my oldest to go to the local comprehensive. Apparently it’s quiet good for it’s size and as comprehensives go – but then I went to a technology college myself so not sure what that means. I am a bit of a wannabe snob when it comes to children and education tbh and I think what is important is my children not everyone’s iykwim. Could you not keep your options open and see if you can get E into the state school first and if not then pay? (Sorry only read post and not replies if you’ve already answered that).
I went to a private school in Oxford because the only comprehensive near us wasn’t very good. I hated it. Mainly because my place was government funded and everyone else had a lot of money. I appreciate now though that my education was very good (shame I didn’t realise it at the time).
Luckily I now live in an area where we have to choose between 3 outstanding and 3 excellent primary schools and two grammar schools. If I still lived in the same area I was brought up in then I would certainly consider private schools.
I followed the LAB showcase link here and have read your post with interest. I would offer my opinion, if no one minds? I am a mummy at the other end of the school journey, with a son at university and a daughter sitting her GCSE. They both attended very average, if not below average primary schools (private was not an option financially and I’m not a fan of the private system) They both attended the same secondary school, which again is very much below average, and locally has a pretty poor reputation and doesn’t score well on the league tables. My Son has 11 GCSE, grade B and above, won a place on a highly sort after International Baccalaureate course and is now at a top ‘Red Brick’ university. My daughter is predicted A and A* for all her GCSE and has won a place of the same IB course as her brother (and yes I am boasting a certain amount – I mean who wouldn’t!) My husband attended the same school as they did and did not very well, poor focus etc, I was a disaster at school leaving with almost nothing.
My point is twofold :-
You child will reach their potential almost anywhere. The most important aspect is the support they receive from you (support that is not pressure to achieve) Make their education a positive experience for them. The stress and pressure of finding a place at primary should be a total mystery to them. Don’t let them see that the school process has upset you, it will rub off on them and start them with a negative attitude. Your behaviour is perhaps more important than that of the teacher and their fellow pupils.
League tables tell you nothing about a school! All it will tell you is that the leadership team there have coached the children enough to pass the test. It doesn’t tell you whether they care about the children, it doesn’t tell you whether the children are encouraged to explore and enjoy their education. Is the education holistic or is it just based on passing the standardised testing. It doesn’t tell you how they deal with bullying, or whether they have a good SEN department or gifted and talented programme.
There only way to choose a good school is to go there, visit and ask questions. Ask other parents who are there at the moment, what happened to your neighbours some years ago is invalid. Maybe they have new leadership since then, maybe the demographic is changing and it’s the best up and coming school in the area. Take your child with you – how they feel about it, are they interested, they have to spend their day there not you! ask their opinion and value it! What is right for your neighbour may not be right for your child. Don’t dismiss a school on what someone else has told you, you might just be missing out on that teacher who will inspire your child for the rest of their life!
Sorry for the rant – I hope you find the right place for them! Trust your maternal instinct – it’s usually right!
What fantastic points! I couldn’t agree more. 🙂
I’d send mine to private school in a heartbeat, but hope you have better luck than your neighbours if that sits better with you x
A very similar story to us. School on our doorstep didn’t guarantee that we would get Ronnie in. A friends daughter ended up in the same scenario as you have written about which would have meant getting 3 buses as no direct route in rush hour in the morning across London. Put the right wind up me so I investigated options. I discovered that many of the private schools were cheaper than his full time nursery, including any holiday childcare. So we went for it and moved him to the pre-school in September. It had never been part of our plan at all, but we are so glad that we did it. Good luck with whatever conclusion you come to there’s no guarantees either way I’m afraid!
If you can afford it, then go for it. Why not, if you can’t get a school that can deliver on the basics. You could alwats change back to state later if needed or wanted.
I’ve been through state primary (I had generally rubbish teachers but it did give work dependent on capability, my bro had great teachers who stretched each child) and secondary as I refused to let my mum try and send me to private girls school in oxford. We were lucky as it was a comp in a village so had all the extra curricular facilities. I did ok at gsces but not as well as I could have done if given better teaching and encouragement in my poorer subjects like science despite being in the top set for the few subjects that were streamed.
My 6th form options were not great…for someone sporty and musical the 6 forms didn’t offer anything ourside of yhd a levels so I managed to get a scholarship to the local private school. I loved it. It wasn’t the most academic compared to others but the care, friendships, facilities were so mich better than even my fairly good comprehensive. I’d send my son in a heartbeat if I had the money and my OH put the same emphasis on education as I do.
Annoyingly we’re about a mile out of warwickshire which is grammar school area…shame
Good luck in whatever you decide
Hi!
If this was me I would do what is right for my son at this moment in time, forget everything else it’s not important right now.. From the sounds of it putting him in private school is the best thing to do in a not perfect situation right now. Nothing to stop you moving to another area with nice state schools when you can?
I know it’s not ideal to move a kid from a school they are settled in but kids are very resilient and if you find moving and not paying for school would then mean you have a better way of life including your son (going to all those after school classes and clubs etc can be expensive) and you get him in a good state school where he will be happy then why not?
Good luck!!!
Charli
I just noticed the date on this. I’d be interested to know what you decided to do in the end?
This is such a conundrum! Like you, my politics are left of centre and I’ve actually always actively disliked private schools and everything they stand for. That’s easy to do when you don’t have kids. But when you do have them and you’re faced with a tough situation like yours, you have to put those feelings to one side and think about your child’s education and happiness. And, if you can afford it, and you know the private school will give them something the local schools won’t, it’s a no-brainer! I’m lucky that I’ve never had to make this decision. All my kids went to a good primary and I’ve now got one at a decent comp and one at an amazing grammar school, one of the top state schools in the country. Now I’ve just got my daughter, who’s in y5 to consider. The chances are she will get into one of her brothers’ schools or another grammar. But if she gets given the ‘bad comp’ I know exactly what I would be doing!