Husbands, hey? They can be infuriating. Mine is undeniably in the better than average area of the spouse spectrum but even so I occasionally harbour fantasies of drugging him and leaving him bound and gagged on an army ammunition testing range or volunteering him to work in a Chilean mine. Drives me crazy enough to purchase AR-15 magazines and load the gun stashed away in the basement. That’s pretty normal, right? These occasions include, but are not limited to:
- When every week he refuses to take the first full bin bag out mid week and just keeps squishing everything in even though it clearly WILL NOT LAST UNTIL BIN DAY!
- When he just ‘pops out’ to get something at the weekend and doesn’t come back for two hours
- When he tidys up by taking something out to the utility room so it’s out of sight and then just leaves it blocking the washing machine door
- When he tells me we have run out of stuff rather than letting me know we are about to run out of stuff (like I should be monitoring his shower gel usage)
These are not big things I grant you, he does not cheat on me or beat me with sticks, but still they can be enough to drive even someone as saintly and even tempered as me to plot his grizzly demise.
At this point, before I had the chance to start moaning about his job or music taste, I got an email from NEXT reminding me that Valentine’s Day is coming up. Many years ago when we were first together Hubs returned home on Valentine’s Day with a card and a rose which he handed to me with the romantic words ‘WHSmiths were giving away a free rose if you bought a card’ and that has pretty much set the tone for Valentine’s Day since then. We just don’t do it very well.
Even so there are the odd occasions when I remember why I keep him around.
- When I stagger out to the car in the morning carrying a toddler, two school bags and coats, my handbag and a laptop and realise he has scraped the ice off my windscreen for me.
- When he struggles down from the loft with the huge Christmas tree and all the decorations even though he doesn’t like Christmas.
- When he spends hours in the park so E can play on his bike while I’m all warm at home fiddling about on my blog.
Bugger, I suppose he’s not so bad really. Now I’m going to have to get him a Valentine’s Day present after all. Luckily NEXT have come up with a fun Gift Selector to help me out so I can legitimately spend the rest of the day browsing without feeling guilty.