Husbands, hey? They can be infuriating. Mine is undeniably in the better than average area of the spouse spectrum but even so I occasionally harbour fantasies of drugging him and leaving him bound and gagged on an army ammunition testing range or volunteering him to work in a Chilean mine. Drives me crazy enough to purchase AR-15 magazines and load the gun stashed away in the basement. That’s pretty normal, right? These occasions include, but are not limited to:
- When every week he refuses to take the first full bin bag out mid week and just keeps squishing everything in even though it clearly WILL NOT LAST UNTIL BIN DAY!
- When he just ‘pops out’ to get something at the weekend and doesn’t come back for two hours
- When he tidys up by taking something out to the utility room so it’s out of sight and then just leaves it blocking the washing machine door
- When he tells me we have run out of stuff rather than letting me know we are about to run out of stuff (like I should be monitoring his shower gel usage)
These are not big things I grant you, he does not cheat on me or beat me with sticks, but still they can be enough to drive even someone as saintly and even tempered as me to plot his grizzly demise.
At this point, before I had the chance to start moaning about his job or music taste, I got an email from NEXT reminding me that Valentine’s Day is coming up. Many years ago when we were first together Hubs returned home on Valentine’s Day with a card and a rose which he handed to me with the romantic words ‘WHSmiths were giving away a free rose if you bought a card’ and that has pretty much set the tone for Valentine’s Day since then. We just don’t do it very well.
Even so there are the odd occasions when I remember why I keep him around.
- When I stagger out to the car in the morning carrying a toddler, two school bags and coats, my handbag and a laptop and realise he has scraped the ice off my windscreen for me.
- When he struggles down from the loft with the huge Christmas tree and all the decorations even though he doesn’t like Christmas.
- When he spends hours in the park so E can play on his bike while I’m all warm at home fiddling about on my blog.
Bugger, I suppose he’s not so bad really. Now I’m going to have to get him a Valentine’s Day present after all. Luckily NEXT have come up with a fun Gift Selector to help me out so I can legitimately spend the rest of the day browsing without feeling guilty.
You are not alone missus I have had days where dark thoughts pop into my head about the husband, you just have to remind yourself that there are a lot worse! Honest!
Yep, take a deep breath and the urge to kill generally passes 😉
hehe I must admit there are ALOT of times when I could happily bound and gag my other half, as for valentines day errrmmm we are not great at it either, so there must be something else that keeps us together… gve me a while and I am sure I will come up with something positive…. 😉 x
They do all have their moments, don’t they?
This made me laugh so much, especially upon discovering it wasn’t sponsored!
My OH also cleans car windscreen for me, bless him.
But I still don’t do Valentines.
Windscreen scraping is like his husbandly superpower.
sounds like you married a good man, they all drive us mad sometimes, but we have got to see the good points of them. The park story made me like him a lot, actually.
I kind of think Valentine is all a bit nonsensical but I suppose I do like the idea of celebrating love. Enjoy it.
We’ve never really bothered with it but I’m starting to think may we should.
“leaving him bound and gagged on an army ammunition testing range or volunteering him to work in a Chilean mine” haha thanks for the extra ideas… 🙂
Oh, I have many more….
Bloody men! You are right though, as much as Dad2BabyInsomniac annoys the hell out of me sometimes he is one of the good guys. I am even making him a heart shaped cake on Valentines Day! x
Ah, that’s lovely. Hubs will probably get a card and be greatful I’m not giving him any DIY to do.
You do realise you only mentioned four things that annoy you about your hubbie, right? Should you need any help in compiling a list of homicidal ‘triggers’ in future I am always here to help. I would have definitely added the following:
snoring like a common beast and then denying it by saying he was awake; not acknowledging any of my banal observations on life UNLESS it’s a direct question; leaving huge shoes right in the middle of the room; never cleaning the worktops; never changing bog roll; feeding the kids gazillions of sweets and lollipops if i’m not around; putting shitty nappies straight in the kitchen waste; and on and on
oops i forgot to mention i do love him of course. mine is also good at cleaning my car. x
Not cleaning the worktops should have been on my list as well. Just a quick wipe when he’s done before everything goes all dry and crusty. That’s not too much to as is it? *strops off to the kitchen*
Ahh they do drive us bonkers don’t they? Mine does take out the bins but he won’t go near the kitchen at all! I think he’s even lost the ability to make toast. He does iron all my clothes for me though and does the laundry so I can’t complain too much 🙂